You’ve been to someone else’s thing. A wedding, housewarming, shower, or another event for someone. One where you’re there, but someone else is calling the shots. I’m breaking it to you, star; you’ve played the supporting role. And it’s hard.
Every day, we do things our way and call our shots. But occasionally, we give agency to someone else and accept a supporting role for them.
Yet, we’re the star of our movies, so when we join someone else’s or accept a background role, we’re out of our practiced habit. We’re used to deciding what’s for dinner, how long we’re in the car, or what to prioritize. But raising someone above ourselves requires lifting their priorities over ours. Can you imagine telling a bride she should skip pictures because you think people will get bored waiting?
And it’s uncomfortable accepting their wants and needs ahead of ours; we’re giving up control. That is hard and a different situation than our usual leading role.
When I’m driving things, I can do them just how I want. And people must deal with that.
But I can forget how to act when I’m there for someone else. I can be passive, providing as much value as background scenery. Other times, I can overpower, such as forcing a party inside because I’m too cold.
For example, I had someone over to a family gathering. They met my family and were discussing the evening. Then that person said, “That sounds so great. But we need to eat first because I’m hungry.” My stomach plummeted. My family took it in stride, and it wasn’t a big deal. But someone prioritizing themself ahead of the planned gathering was shocking.
Mostly, things aren’t that extreme. It’s not minding going to a movie you don’t want to see because you’re with people who want to see it. If my grandmother wants to watch another James Bond movie with her grandkids when we’re together, I’m not turning her down and suggesting Minions. Even if Minions are hilarious, and I haven’t followed 007 since Oddjob reigned on N64.
I’m saying it’s hard to play these minor roles because we’re so prominent in our own lives. And setting that power aside for someone else takes bravery.
But that’s precisely what makes it special. When you go to a wedding and submit to what makes it perfect for the bride and groom, you’ve lifted them in an incredible way. And it’s not just about doing what they want; it’s doing it well.
“There are no small roles, only small actors,” said Konstantin Stanislavski, the ‘father of modern acting.’
So next time you’re in a supporting role for someone else, crush it because everyone wants people around who know how to support.
