I was maybe eight or ten when I came out to The Blue Meanie lying on the newspaper floor of their birdcage, surrounded by waste. Then, Goldust escaped, flying out of the cage during cleaning and off to Free Bird. Maybe seeing their buddy buried in the ground inspired Goldust to take for the skies. I missed them, and I was happy Goldust took a chance. That was living.
This quote resonated through my life: “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail,” by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
First, I chose it about high school, sharing it when I was unsure of sharing anything. Then arriving at college, I found it was my class motto. Later, I visited the Alcott’s house, where Emerson’s presence was everywhere, and Emerson’s gravesite. I teared at the sparkling rock, touched the formidable oaks, and strolled along the shaded ridgeline overlooking the fields and water around which people had fought to create our nation.
I fought too. Each of us does. It’s when we take a chance, follow our soul instead of the set way, and leave our home’s comforts for the unknown of the skies. I fought without sword and shield but with ideas and compassion. My battle was to unite individuals, to extend an olive branch instead of a pointed tip.
I made my path so others could follow, but I hope they find their way too. No one may only make their path, and no one should only follow.
That means I was willing to be different. I looked different, I talked different, and I was different. In Boston, there weren’t Arizona natives. In finance, you didn’t leave a steady career for a chance at a chance. A college athlete didn’t turn to writing, and counseling, and unbottling that they weren’t perfect.
If I was afraid to do something, that was the strongest indicator I had to do it.
So what has my life meant? Others determine that. But I lived to bring people together, and I hope my death does that too. Some may mourn, and others celebrate. Each of you, I hope, take the chance to connect with someone, new and old.
Thank you for everything which comprised my life. It was my favorite-tasting fruit. I am disappointed my time for people, experiences, and adventures is over. But I’m so grateful I had it, that I lived.
I died, and I always would die. So, I acted with that in mind. That was living.
The crucible of my life came when I lost trust. I lost faith in others, the universe, and myself. That everything was out to get me, not be there for me.
I could not have told you what was happening because I did not believe what was happening.
It was the loneliest place. But in it, I found the first threads of connection. A smile and nod from someone standing watch to have another glass of water. Care and tolerance from someone I’d never remember. And a silent welcome to a cold room.
Those first threads connected one at a time, then grew and intersected. Finally, it became Indra’s net whereby I was in everyone, and they reflected in me. I could choose to reject it, but I had to participate.
Those threads connecting me to others, leading with care and trust, changed my life and who I was. It wasn’t easy or perfect, but I believed in it and aimed for it.
The roughest moments of my life made possible the best of them. In many ways, they were the best moments. It’s easier to look back than it was to go through them. But I made it through them all the same.
That was my life. I hope it helps create your path and brings you together. That was living.
