Fear is insidious, both for what it causes us to do and avoid.
It’s easier to recognize fear-driven actions. For example, fear of extremist groups and terrorism drove the U.S.A.’s Muslim Ban.
It’s more difficult to realize what we don’t do because of fear—for example, not asking for a raise because it may be denied or viewed unfavorably.
Fear is a weighted emotion that impacts our bodies and actions.
But it’s an emotion that is rejected or ignored. Don’t be afraid – a standard and soothing phrase. And we toughen up and pretend we’re not.
But it’s accepting we have fear and choosing our actions, not letting fear direct them, that produces courage. Everyone is afraid sometimes, the same way we all feel joy and excitement.
I get afraid. I remember getting on a Ferris wheel in California with Mom, and, as we approached the top in our swinging basket of rusted metal, I told her, “Yeah, this heights thing is tough for me.” It was a bit late to avoid it at that point, and we laughed about it until I kissed the sweet ground when they let us off.
I’m not exactly sure what it is about heights, of which I’m afraid. But I can feel it in my body. My breath quickens, my body tenses, and I feel unbalanced. At this point, I’m pretty good at not falling. Even when I trip on Boston’s jagged brick and cobblestone sidewalks, I catch myself without tumbling. But up high, I’m unsteady and unsure I can stay upright.
But there are cool things up high. Impressive buildings have observatories and decks for panoramic views, and the Grand Canyon is all ledges and drops.
And fear plagues me at all of them. At St. Paul’s church, I climbed to the whispering deck, a ledge wide enough for one person with no rail, and shuffled to a nearby bench as adrenaline poured through me just from looking around while seated. I didn’t climb to the top for the views of London. At the Grand Canyon, I managed to sit on my butt and get within ten feet of a vista others were swinging their legs off. And one of the scariest moments of my life was watching someone put their phone through the bars at the Rockefeller Center and take a picture downwards. Just thinking about the phone tumbling sent me backing towards the inner wall.
But fear is a wonderful compass for what we should do. For example, I was in Budapest with my partner, and we visited St. Stephen’s Basilica. They have an observation deck outside with sweeping views. We went up for a long time, and I leaned against and over the outer wall. Go me. That trip was wonderful, and our time up there enhanced the experience.
Ok, but you don’t fear heights, and it doesn’t impact me that much in my daily life. I walk around at street level, and life is good.
Yet fear crops up everywhere. We may stay in a job because we’re afraid to leave – would people accept the decision, would we be shamed, would it fail spectacularly? There’s fear of talking to someone new – they may laugh at you, reject you, or turn out to be a jerk. Shoot, I spoke to my counselor last week about my fear of publishing online because I could say the wrong thing.
But fear can be an opportunity cloaked in disguise. For example, that fear of leaving a job to pursue something new may be pointing to what you’re passionate about doing. That fear of meeting someone new may be a new friend or someone who can connect you to something you’ve wanted. And publishing online may be a way to communicate with others.
We fear things because we perceive some threat to ourselves. Such as heights being a potential threat to my safety. But fear too often stops us from going after what we want. Do you stay out of the ocean for fear of sharks? Do you keep the same haircut for fear others won’t like the new one?
On that point, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.”
So when you recognize there is fear in you, pause and seek what it is of which you’re afraid. And do not let fear stop you from what you are after.
These days, I love fear because it guides me toward what I want. And then I do it.
