Lead with Trust, the Glue of Cooperation

How valuable is trust? Well, everything falls apart without cooperation. And cooperation requires trust.

For example, let’s examine Todd’s life. Todd is an everyperson – he lives with a partner and children in his house, works a desk job, and enjoys time with friends.

His day consists of waking up, getting the kids ready, then going to work. And underlying everything for Todd is Trust.

To start, Todd trusts his phone or clock to wake him up. So when he goes to bed and sets his alarm, he knows it will wake him up at the time he wants. And once he’s up, he trusts that his environment is secure. So Todd doesn’t wake and prowl around the property for signs of hostiles. Instead, he flips on his coffee pot and opens his news.

And it’s that trust in others and the cooperation born of it that makes us so successful.

For example, Todd’s partner may be in charge of preparing the children for their day. Todd trusts his partner to take care of that, so he doesn’t have to do it or worry. More, he trusts that his partner is working with him, not against him.

As Todd drives to work, he trusts other drivers to follow the road’s rules and not to cause him intentional harm. Imagine if Todd had to worry about each driver out there trying to crash him or take his car away. Think Mad Max on a highway. It’s trust amongst each other, even those we don’t know, that fuels how we operate.

Upon arrival, Todd trusts his employer to provide a safe environment and to pay him when they should. And there are probably tons of people within the company that Todd relies on to do their job – HR to handle people issues, accounting to book things, leadership to set direction. So if people decide not to show up to work or do their job, it causes problems. That’s because people won’t trust that person.

After work, Todd has plans to meet his friends for a social hour. He doesn’t need to question if they’ll show up or harm him once he arrives. Instead, he trusts their motives and believes in them. So they cooperate by getting together and having a good time.

Back home, Todd trusts his house is still there and that everything is in good shape. No person, corporation, or government has chased his family out and claimed it. And his family is well despite him being away. So he can settle in and turn on the news, a station with trusted information and people. And as he gets ready for bed, he sleeps with ease trusting he’ll wake up in the morning.

How important is trust in your life?

Think about how hard small things would become if you had to do them all yourself and secure your safety without the help of anything or anybody else.

But there are things we don’t trust. And the most common are things unfamiliar.

For example, say you’ve traveled to a foreign country and entered a restaurant. You have no idea what anything on the menu is, so you order at random. Your dish is unfamiliar. You try to watch how the other patrons are eating, but looking at your food, you have no idea where to start. So maybe you nibble around the edges, try to ask your server, or just up and leave. You don’t trust what you’re eating or know how to do it.

And these issues of trust apply beyond the individual. For example, after COVID, how much do you trust countries to handle crises? Or how much do different countries trust each other not to cause harm by force, tariff, or words?

Trust is crucial because it allows us to function together and cooperate. And when we work together, we create outcomes exponential to when we work alone. It’s why you walk away from a car salesman selling a lemon and do everything the financial advisor who’s never steered you wrong says. Think about a time you’ve engaged with someone you didn’t trust; how challenging was that?

So trust is required for cooperation, yet so many of us trust only a few people. We’re wary about new people we meet or of everyone, family included.

If Todd doesn’t trust a barista to get the order right, he hovers over, trying to take control, and may as well make the drink himself.

And there’s lots of stuff out there that we should only trust a few people. We expect people to take advantage of us, do a poor job, or act toward us with malice. As a result, security, surveillance of others, and protection receive more of our attention despite the world being better and safer than ever.

But we’ve established how valuable trust is. It’s the foundation of cooperation and abundance. So why would we want less of it instead of more?

Let’s go to the intelligent people:

Lao Tzu of the Tao Te Ching said, “He who does not trust enough will not be trusted.”

Ernest Hemingway said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”

Anton Chekhov, an esteemed Russian playwright, said, “You must trust and believe in people, or life becomes impossible.”

And Stephen Covey, educator and businessperson, “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

Earlier, I was reading this Modern Meditations article, which introduces itself by trying to move beyond ‘herd’ words and questions. These are the things we say to people that don’t say anything. For example, when you greet someone and ask how they are, they say good, ask how you are, and you say good. That snippet said nothing, was automatic, and is more a ritual than a conversation.

But they posit, and I agree, we do that because we’re trying to develop trust with a person. So in going through that spiel, we protect ourselves from the other person by not offering anything vulnerable.

And in the process of that conversation, we didn’t do anything to develop trust because it’s the conversation we have with everyone. So nothing was understood about the other person from it other than they followed the script.

But the best things come from leading with trust. So break that automation by sharing something about yourself – what you’ve done, something you’re stuck on, or personal detail. It is powerful to see that trust reciprocated by the other party. Once they’re over the shock you didn’t follow the script, of course.

We’ve all had moments of distrust. But the cooperation fostered by believing in each other creates astounding outcomes. It’s how we’ve developed a global society from a bunch of tribes constantly attacking each other.

So lead with trust. Because without it, everything falls apart.